I don’t travel much. So I am the perfect person to tell you about traveling since most of you don’t travel much anymore. Actually this year for my vacation, I am going to curl up with a pina colda in front of my flat screen TV with a DVD of Hawaii playing.

With a little imagination I bet it is just as relaxing as the real thing. Get one of the those sunlight lamps and you’re all set for a vacation that will cost you under $3.00. Of course the bikini clad woman that populate the sugar sand beaches of Hawaii will be sorely missed, but put a grass skirt on your golden Labrador retriever baby and it can be an acceptable stand in.

But then there are those mouth watering luaus featuring freshly steamed lobster tails basted in hot butter or the endless king crab legs. But I must be strong and not succumb to temptation.

Especially since I have hand cuffed my self to my lazy boy and my computer and cell phone are clear across the room. Just look at the colors and the blueness of the warm Hawaiian waters. Boy my flat screen TV has good color depth and clarity. It looks so real. You can almost feel the salt spray and the cool water mist and the warm sand as I dig my feet under it. The absolute peace and serenity.

Nothing but the sound of the ocean’s surf as it gently laps against the shore. I’ve always wanted to learn to surf. Hawaii has some of the best surfing anywhere. You mount your board and paddle out toward a towering wave building. You sit and wait until the mammoth wave lifts you on your board up to the sky and you take the ride of your life.

There is nothing that can substitute for that. Okay so after thinking about it. Sitting in front of my stupid TV pretending I am in Hawaii really sucks…Any of you have a hack saw.